i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
