i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
As shirtless as possible
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
