So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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