She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
as a side note pls kill me
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
