she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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