I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Someone signed my nipple.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
