Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
