i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
