this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
