hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
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