where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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