Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
