one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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