Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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