Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
