and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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