i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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