Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
