After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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