I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
