he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
