Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
