i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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