She said her name was "party"
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
