if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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