No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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