He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
