the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Never let your siblings swipe right.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
