God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
