Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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