You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
