Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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