Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
