I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
