he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
