His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
