I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
