I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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