I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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