I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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