farters have to be the big spoon...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
