I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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