Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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