yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
