bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
