Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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