The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
