she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
