I want to walk on stilts...naked
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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