I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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